Regulation Starts With Us: A Somatic Approach to Parenting
Parenting can bring us into contact with some of our strongest emotions. The crying that does not stop. The toddler who refuses to get dressed when you are already late. The moment when you have asked the same thing five times and can feel your patience running out.
In these moments, it is easy to become focused on our child's behaviour. Why won't they listen? Why are they doing this? How do I get them to calm down?In these moments, it is easy to become focused on our child's behaviour. Why won't they listen? Why are they doing this? How do I get them to calm down?
Before we respond to our child’s nervous system, it can be helpful to notice our own.
When we feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or under pressure, our own nervous system may begin to move into a state of activation. We might notice our heart beating faster, our muscles tightening, our voice becoming louder, or an urge to immediately fix or stop what is happening.
This does not mean that we are doing something wrong. Being regulated does not mean being calm all the time. Stress, frustration, anger, and overwhelm are all normal parts of being human, and parenting is no exception.
A somatic approach invites us to notice what is happening in our bodies. That moment of awareness creates an opportunity. You might take a breath, feel your feet on the floor, or simply give yourself a moment before responding.
You are not ignoring the behaviour. You are creating enough space within yourself to respond to it differently.
This is where co-regulation comes in. Children are still developing the capacity to regulate their own emotions and nervous systems, and they often look to the adults around them for cues about whether a situation is safe and manageable. When we can notice our own activation and find our way toward greater regulation, we can offer our child an experience of regulation through the relationship itself.
We will still lose our patience at times, or become overwhelmed. We will respond in a way we wish we hadn't. The goal is not perfection, it is awareness.
Over time, we can become better at noticing when we are becoming activated, catching ourselves a little sooner, and finding our way back. When we do, we may create more space for our children to find their way back too.
Whether you’re just beginning your healing journey or looking for a new approach, we’re here to help. Reach out today to book a free consultation and learn how we can support you.
Further Reading
Understanding Stress Through a Somatic Lens
Discover how chronic stress impacts the nervous system and learn how a somatic approach—including breathwork, movement, and mindfulness—can help restore calm, resilience, and balance in
Preparing for Your First Somatic Therapy Session: What to Expect
Somatic therapy supports healing through both mind and body, helping release tension that talk alone may not reach.
From Tension to Healing: How Somatic Therapy Releases Trauma Stored in the Body
Trauma can live in the body — not just the mind. This gentle guide explores how somatic therapy helps release stored stress and reconnect you